Guy stuff: Junk in the trunk, Hard Ware, etc

Well, this weekend was chock full of bloggables, and now that I am becoming a famous blogger (note the throngs of fans posting comments here), my friends are sort of shyly, reluctantly into it. I was in Vermont skiing (and, clearly an indication of global warming or the world having gone completely kerflooey, there was POWDER in Vermont) and all weekend long, someone would say something witty or a thing would happen that makes you go "hunh?" and inevitably someone would say, "Lynn, you'll have to put this in your blog...." So, whatever it is, there is now a zeitgeist of some kind -- a bloggy, if foggy, momentum -- and so I'll keep doing this and see where we go.

I'm sleepy and my muscles are sore from skiing in powdery bumps with a bunch of hot shots (I suck at skiing bumps), so right this second I can only remember two things that were designated as bloggable. One was a new phrase I learned that I am somewhat embarrassed to really like.

We were with J and A, two younger, single guys and the fun of that is getting to check out girls and attempt to act tough and cool and irreverent with them. I ruin it by asking too many questions and sounding like a nerdy, cultural anthropologist ("So, when you see a hot girl, what lingo is it that you use these days to describe her?") .... J and A were very good sports. They said something about our waitress having a lot of "junk in the trunk." I found this hilarious, and asked 52 questions about where it comes from and what specifically it means. I like how it feels to say it. The words are like little matching marbles in your mouth. Oh and, for those who don't know, it means having a big butt.

I found out later from my hip friend Q that the originator of the phrase is the woman from Black Eyed Peas, a rock group that even I have heard of. The boys say this singer is hot, and Q confirmed this. So, anyway, add "junk in the trunk" to the approved lexicon -- it's not PC but it's too good to censor.

The other bloggable I remember occurred when my boyfriend (who shall be called D, I guess) and I stopped at a gas station on the way home from Vermont ...

Because I sit very close to the rest rooms in my office I have had on my mental to-do list "buy air freshening stuff" for about a week now. So at the checkout counter inside the gas station, I saw these little glass bottles that said "liquid aroma," "the world's most powerful aroma!" etc... so I picked one up and thought hmmmmm, maybe powerful enough for the office bathroom. However, just as I was holding it up to my face, scrutinizing the label, which said "HARD WARE," the lovely Pakistani man behind the counter informed me that "thees ees forrrr men, for thee sex."

When D came in, he checked it out and lickety-split he and the guy had this VERY open conversation, as only guys can, in which Pakistani check-out man told D exactly how to use the stuff ("two or sree meenutes before thee sex") and confirmed that yes, it actually works, or apparently did for him. Eew. I just stood there, amazed, trying to act all cool, like this was an everyday kind of thing, talking about erections with a cash register guy while paying for a bag of chips. Did we buy the stuff? Are you kidding?

Needless to say, I have GOT to go to Pier One and buy some of those reeds that stick out of a vase of fragrance oil.